Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'm melancholic. I'm still trapped in the stupid drama that is my family life. Still sort of shocked about finding out about what a person I trusted was capable of. I can keep it at bay these days, a lot of it is thanks to Oscar. Somehow he's managed to sneak past my defenses without me even noticing, to become an important and natural part of my life that I suspect I would find it difficult to do without.

I've always been deprived of the opportunity to make the most of myself. Always been full of poison, pain and possibilities that never led to anything. A dissonance that causes both cynical wit and a clinical depression. I came into this world with nothing. I'm going to leave it with nothing. I strive to need as little as possible inbetween. But I think one of the things I might need is him. He gives me the courage to try to be better. To make plans and hope for the future. To start again with something positive to build on. With him, I think I might actually be able to pull it off.

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