Monday, July 27, 2009

HAHA

"It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it."

Sunday, July 26, 2009

...or make its eye ball fluids evaporate.
Today is another one of those lovely days where I really just want to throw a brick through life's prostate.
I spent last night getting chased by a tiger in a grocery store. The tiger belonged to an old lady who had lost a knitting contest and decided to release her fury upon the world. It took me two hours to get out, and once I did, I remembered I had left my library books inside so I had to go back in.

I really really love sleeping and man I really REALLY hate waking up.
I heard someone talking about eucalyptus trees but he called them apocalyptus trees which is awesome, and he didn't even know he fucked it up which made it another 63% more awesome.

I also played scrabble with four dyslexics. It was the most pain inducing thing I've done in a while, but it was absolutely hilarious. Especially when one of them spent 20 minutes trying to convince me that "ucp" was a word and that it was in the dictionary.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

How am I supposed to eat when I can't even manage to swallow my own contempt for humanity most of the time?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

toni braxton.

Psooieh säger:
:(
Shadow säger:
...
:(
Psooieh säger:
:(
Shadow säger:
...UNNNBREAK MY HEEAAAARRRRT
SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME AGAAAAAIN
Had a few pleasant surprises today. Went to my old shrink and after telling her what my situation is like now, she was quiet for a while and then goes "you know, you're one of the most intelligent and insightful people I've ever met, and you're also one of the toughest. You've been through hell more than once and you still turned out awesome. Once you get away from your family you'll be back on track in no time, and when you fully realize just how strong you are there will be no stopping you." After having been told all about how weak and disgusting and vile and whatnot I am for a year, that was a pretty fucking nice change. First time someone has had a little faith in me in a long time.
Second surprise I got from my aunt who told me one of her sons friends had told her he thought I was cute. I told her to offer his family my condolences for the death of their son's taste in women, but I was quite happy still. I also found Porno at the library (the Trainspotting-sequel, not actual porn, I get that off the internet), I found awesome bras that make my cleavage look like Grand Canyon and they only cost me five bucks a piece, and I got tons of stinky wet kisses from Amos, the most beautiful dog ever. So all in all it was a really good day.

Also, conversation of awesome:
Cousin: "Hey you know gay marriage is legal in Sweden right?"
Brother: "Yeah."
Cousin: "...and you know, it's legal for cousins to marry too."
Brother: "What are you trying to say?"
Cousin smiles and places his hand on my brother's thigh.
Brother: "I wanna go home now."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Another great book: A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. It's about four people who randomly meet eachother on a roof from which they had all planned to jump, and instead of killing themselves that night they decide to give life six weeks. They're eachothers complete opposites but they start hanging out and hilarity ensues. It's really funny and thought provoking and surprisingly insightful. And it's not the slightest bit sappy or nostalgic, it doesn't try to teach you any fundamental lessons about life, and best of all, there's no stupid tragic or equally stupid happy ending.
There's a guy in the book called Jerry Lee Pavement who reminds me a lot of my former best friend. He's a street musician who finds other street musicians, wait til they start playing and then intentionally plays the same song at a different pace, making the result sound absolutely awful. And people love him, he gets all the money from the passerbys cause they think it's funny. The musician who was there first, in turn gets ridiculed and booed at when he punches Jerry Lee Pavement in the face. The guy is a fucking cunt but you can't help but admire his hyena-like abilities and complete lack of respect. Which is my former best friend in a nutshell.

A couple of things from the book I found to be really spot on, and some deductions or revelations regarding my own situation that I found after reading it:

You know life sucks when you can't tell someone the most basic things about yourself and your life without it sounding like you want people to pity you. That's what causes this distance, it's impossible to think of anything to say that doesn't make people feel awkward and down.

People never tell anyone what they really want, because we know we can't have it and it always sounds so banal and childish. Or we want to pretend everything is okay and it doesn't feel particularly nice to admit that it's not. Human life is based on lies. And people need their lies and their stories to bring themselves to stay alive. There are many other ways to die than to kill yourself. You can let parts of yourself die one after another and you hardly even notice it until theres nothing left anymore.

Everyone I cared about, except my family, have moved on without me. They have new lives. To them I might as well have never existed. Their past is in the past while mine is still everywhere around me. And wanting them to come back is like asking them to move out of a really nice apartment with people they like to come live in a shitty shed by the highway with me where people randomly drop by to shit on you.

I don't want to die because I hate life. I want to die because I love life. I think most people who kill themselves think the same way. They love life but life has gone down the drain and turned to shit and you can't find your way back. And being shut out like that, it devastates you. And it's when you realize that you don't hate life that the real pain starts. Cause where do you go from there? Where do you start? How do you learn to like yourself enough
to want to live with yourself? Selfrespect is a currency. You save up for years and it can all be gone in one night.

And finally and most importantly: people can say whatever the fuck they want and complicate things as much as they want, but the truth is, the only thing that can cure misery is happiness. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

There's a soccer player named Nudes who was sold a while ago, from Barcelona to Iceland. I find that intriguing. Just imagine the confusion.


Iceland: "I watched your team play and I'm willing to pay you $23 million for Nudes"
Barcelona: "!!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4

Shit like that always makes me think of my former best friend. Fuck I miss him.

Monday, July 20, 2009

I'm spending two hours in Stockholm next wednesday. Anyone wanna meet up (I'm looking at you in particular Nathanael), let me know and I'll give you the specifics.

Also, next time I'm helping someone move, I'm not doing it without my flame thrower. I saw something neat though. My mom lived in Tunisia when she was about 18, and I found a picture of her dressed in traditional tunisian clothes in front of a traditional tunisian house, washing traditional tunishan sheep intestines. That was pretty cool and I didn't expect that from my mom. Turns out she used to be married to a traditional tunisian guy who traditionally beat the shit out of her. Didn't see that coming either. Guess history repeats itself.



I have a new friend. His name is Rudolph, and he's a silverfish. He lives under my wallet and seems to be quite happy there. I like hanging out with him, he's pretty smart compared to everyone else I know.
Things are finally starting to happen around here. I'm going to see a friend in northern Sweden next week, to live in a tent on an island for a month or so. We're gonna eat tons of mosquitoes and re-enact all five seasons of Lost. After that I'm going back to Hell to start my masters programs and get my skull pierced with lasers, after which I, if I survive and don't go blind in that process, have a couple of weeks to get ready for my trip to Japan. I'm kind of hesitating to go in September now though, a friend from Canada is coming to Europe this fall and I want to be here when he does to once again fill him up with whiskey and leave him passed out in a bathtub. And maybe go to eastern Europe with him since my trip there this summer was cancelled. This is also a good choice considering I was invited to go with an American friend to Japan this spring to see the Sumo Championships and climb mt Fuji with him and his family, which would be more fun than just waddling around alone. Especially considering he can drive and I can't. Heh.
The description is not the described; I can describe the mountain, but the description is not the mountain, and if you are caught up in the description, as most people are, then you will never see the mountain.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I usually dream about really painful and depressing things. Three times a week or so it's about the loss of my best friend. Last night I dreamt I was Zorro and I had to bungyjump out of a burning building. That was such an awesome fucking change. I regained a tiny piece of myself right there.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Jebus

I applied for two masters programs, absolutely certain I didn't have a chance on either of them. I got inon both. I decided to take them at the same time.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Nejimaki-dori Kuronikuru.

Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Nejimaki-dori Kuronikuru/Fågeln som vrider upp världen) is the most awesome book ever. Seriously. It's 741 pages and I read it in a day, that's how fucking amazing it is. If you only get to read one book this year, let that be the one.