Thursday, January 8, 2009

I think..

..my main problem is that I care way more about others than I've ever cared about myself. I'm not adding a positive value to that really, if anything it quite sucks balls. Having self-preservation skills can be pretty useful, I'm told.
Actually, I care way more about everything in general than other people do. Things just affect me so much more than they affect real people. I can't just shrug off an injustice. I kind of wanted to work with setting shit right, for that reason, in an animal shelter or something, but I don't think I could do it. I'd get myself killed trying to transplant my kidney to a squirrel.
I also sort of hate my inability to never give less than 100%. It wears me out so bad, I'll never be able to do anything full time. I either double it or get so exahusted I can't do jack shit. I get disappointed, in everything and everyone, all the time. And it makes it absolutely impossible to be close to anyone. Noone is ever willing to give as much as I am.

I wish it would all just fucking stop.

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