Thursday, October 2, 2008

So yeah.

People sometimes tell me to shape up, dress better, put on some fucking make up. "You're not THAT horrible if you actually put some effort into it", they say. I can only put my answer one way: fuck that shit. I'd rather fight 'til it breaks me (and it will, eventually), than comply.
It's not cause I'm lazy (though that does have something to do with it too), it's a statement.

To be normal, happy and accepted, you have to follow the rules. You have to look a certain way, act a certain way. This also applies for the funny little subculture deviants. I'm not the kind of freak that dyes my hair pink and wears stay-ups and a Hello Kitty t-shirt, and like my 300 friends believe it makes me cool and different. They're just like everyone else, in their particular group of choice. I'm the kind of freak that wear shitty clothes I've had since I was twelve, don't brush my hair and don't wear make up. I do nothing to improve nature's work, I wear no mask. I look like shit, because that's what I am, what we all are behind the facade we try so hard to uphold. I don't do polite phrases that mean nothing, I don't do small talk, I have no time for the superficial. I pay a high price for this. People often write me off as retarded before I've even said a word to them. I make them uncomfortable, annoyed, disgusted. Usually I'm fine with this, it makes it easier to observe, see through and predict people when they look down on you and don't care if you're there or not. Of course it also makes it hard to make friends, and virtually impossible to get more than friendship. "If you had been someone else I would've been all over you" is one comment I got, an example that says a lot. But being freed from atleast some of the Societal Rules (TM) is worth it.
Conform - even if it means killing off your personality to the level where you have to sleep with the TV on every night cause you're too scared of the silence. It's not for me. I'll never fit in, never be able to relax around other people, always be looked at with contempt, never to be taken seriously. But I get to keep my soul and my clarity. I'll get to go my own ways, free from restraint. I don't have to ever worry about what people might think if I do this or that. Yes, I look hideous, but it's my choice. My focus is not on the surface of things, that's just distracting bullshit. I want the pure, the core, the essence of everything. Looking the way I do is a reminder that aids me in that.

No mask, no role play, all me. It's really simple. Maybe you can't like me for who I am. That's okay. I'd rather have that than have you like me for who I'm not.

1 comment:

Purgatid said...

True, through and through.
This is how people should be.

Thumbs up, whereever you like'em.