Monday, September 29, 2008

Warm nights.

It's almost October and still warm enough to waddle around in a t-shirt at night. I love the nights here. The streets are strangely serene when all the hairy drunks are sleeping. I spent some time this particular night pushing around a very handsome guy in a shoppingcart. At one point I hit the curb or something and the cart fell over and he with it. For a minute or so (while laughing at him of course) I had a strange daydream about what would've happened if he had, say, hit his head and passed out. On the positive side, I had a shoppingcart I could put him in, to take him somewhere to do horrible deeds to him until a) he woke up or b) I got bored and took him to the hospital.
Then again on the bad side, I'd probably have gotten lost and mugged and thrown into the canal on the way of doing so. In the end it was probably a good thing he didn't even end up scraping his knees, even if it means I didn't get to molest him.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

eeeeeee

Sweden was a catholic country up until 1527. Back then it was not okay to kill oneself. Suicide was a really serious sin that would put you straight to hell and leave your body in an unmarked grave in a forest somewhere. So what does one who wants to die do? Easy, he kills a child. Killers back then were guaranteed to get executed, but before that they got their sins forgiven by a priest. So to avoid going to hell for killing yourself, all you need to do is whack someone innocent, be forgiven by the church and you're well off in heaven. And you don't even have to think of a way to kill yourself, the state'll take care of that for you. Win-win!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

assplosions

I saw actual people playing actual american football on an actual field in actual life today. It was the first time I really realized I'm in North America, after having spent more than three months here.
They had cheerleaders and everything, it was quite surreal. I felt compelled to act like I was in a movie because of it. Luckily my companion chose this moment to show me his new Axl Rose-impression which, well, broke the spell to say the least, as I found myself squatting to avoid falling over from laughter and mild disgust. It was a good day.

I think I, like everyone else, have been spending my life wanting something to finally mean something important. I've found a big piece of that puzzle in Leichin, Lan and Likla.

Friday, September 26, 2008

GRACIOUS

What are you doing here?
Where did you come from?
Why do you want this?
Just look what I have become

Turn and walk away now, you are not welcome, I never let you in
Turn and walk away from here, forget what you have seen here within

You're gracious I am not
Take care of what you've got
You're gracious I am not

Free yourself while you can still react
and make it on your own
Free yourself while you are this intact
Bring light to the unknown

What are you doing here? Where did you come from?
Why do you want this? Just look what I have become
Don't you be me

Gracious you were when you smiled and suddenly I knew
Gracious little wonder child, the future can come ‘cause I believe in you
(you're gracious I am not, you're gracious I am not...)
Gracious you were when you smiled and suddenly I knew
Gracious little wonder child, the future can come ‘cause I believe in you

Stay this way...

Gracious little wonder child, the future can come, ‘cause I believe in you
‘cause I believe in you
‘cause I believe

HAHAH

http://www.myheritage.com/celebrity-face-recognition?morph=1 is fucking amazing. You post a picture of your face and it tells you what celebrities you look like. I tried a picture of my best friend. Appearantly, he looks like Oscar Wilde, Christopher Reeve, Mel Gibson, Sophia Loren, Grace Kelly, Daryl Hannah and, best of all, Avril Lavigne. I love the consistency there.
I tried a picture of myself. It said "no face detected". Even websites find me that monstrous. I clasped my sides in merriment.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Joy.

I'm normally a confuzzled pile of vagueness. Often moody and depressed, mildly content at best with sporadic outbursts of hilarity. Last night I went for a walk by the canal. It was late in the evening but surprisingly warm, and I had the place pretty much to myself. I sat down by the water with my back against a tree and just enjoyed the air, the silence and the wonderful sensation of being completely alone. I probably scared the shit out of the few passer-bys who saw me, but that's just a bonus.
I sat there for maybe five minutes, my head tilted back, looking at the tree crown and just letting my mind drift when I was suddenly filled with the wonderful sensation of being one with the world. I felt insanely grateful to every organism that preceded me in evolution, for being what they were, mating with what they did when they did, to form other creatures that did the same, to eventually end up in a being that is allowed to feel that way. For a moment, I loved life, not MY life in particular but ALL life, to the extent where it physically ached. Everything that lived and died on this planet seemed so precious, for that fleeting moment. I was filled with peace and joy, completely detatched from my own pathetic existance. I live for those moments.

Afterwards I went home, feeling stronger than in a very long time, just to argue with my best friend and feel weakened again. But not in a bad way. In a humbled way, where achieving knowledge from human interaction is my goal rather than making a point or winning an argument. My only goal with this life is to be the best person I can be. I was in a stalemate for a long time, but I think I'm back on the right track again. That moment by the water was my reward for a long time of struggling.

I'm in an extremely alleviated state of mind, still, that'll probably wear off once I get some sleep. It saddens me a bit to know I'll re-read this thinking "what the fuck, what kind of a faghat broke into my psyche and made up this crap". But for now, I'm going to treasure it.

Gamers <3

www.Loading.se is the second most awesome.. no, the most awesome forum on the intarnet. The gamer pick up lines-thread is the best thing that happened to me in all week. Quotes ensue below, translated to English for you heathens.

If I were a guy and wanted to nail a girl, I would tell her that my stylus wanted to poke her touchpad. Or maybe ask her ""Evening! Can I interest you in some very reasonable manual labour?" like Willy Builder like in Viva PiƱata.
If I on the other hand wanted to turn down a girl, I'd tell her my princess was in another castle. Or maybe "you look like a headcrab, wanna feel my crowbar?" if I wanted to be ambiguous.
Another way to get it on would be to invite her for Hot Coffee (GTA San Andreas-style) or ask her if she wanted to play Project Rub. Going on about how she makes my Snake solid or ask if she wants to shake my wiimote is too easy. My favourites are "Hello, I am looking for treasure. May I take a look in your chest?" from Simon the Sorcerer, and "you look like that hot chick from Metroid.. what's her name? Oh yeah, the Mother Brain!".

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

15 million

Sometimes, I see things that make me want to pee myself with glee. Don't worry, I can pee on you too so you won't feel left out. Anyway this is one of those things:

http://tomopop.com/post.phtml?pk=4526&un=Colette+Bennett

Never regret anything that made you smile, they say. I still sorta regret seing this.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Huah.

It's 5:40 in the morning. There's an Indian woman in the kitchen. I think she's doing the dishes.
Exactly how does one end up with an Indian woman in the kitchen, you say? I'll tell you how. First, you find a friend online. Then you go live with said friend and his family for six months. I'm sure there are other ways to do it too, but that's how I went about and it went quite well. The key is of course to make sure your friend a) is an Indian woman or b) has one in the household, or the plan will fail miserably. This particular Indian woman can be found in Montreal, which is conveniently situated on the wrong fucking continent if you're a Swede and would like to go home occasionally to, say, fetch a videogame or change your socks or eat decent meatballs once in a while. Good thing I brought lots of socks and Gamezone isn't far.

So yeah, I'm a Swede living with five Indians in Canada. This is my blog and I'll do whatever I want with it. Like, if I want to put an image in your head of a raven with a mustache, that's what I'll do. If I want to write poems about ambulances, I might not, just to spite you.
A short introduction for those of you who don't know me:
Physically, I'm a 25 year old female carbon-based life form, overweight and kinda short. I dress like a ten year old boy who sniffs way too much glue. Not much to brag about there. Mentally, I'm ageless, sexless, and most importantly remorseless. Except the last part was a lie. I enjoy videogames, drawing, writing, reading, horse riding, thinking, martial arts and conversations about trodding barefoot on jellyfish. I'm incredibly socially awkward and get along way better with animals than with people. Bruce Lee is my personal hero, Acid Bath is my favourite band, and I like to go barefoot whenever I can.

That's all you get for now. A taste of things to come. A teaser, a prelude, a- uh, whatever, I need to sleep.